There's good news for scientists and others who have been hoping we'd discover life in outer space. It exists on a planet called Drubber 3, says NASA. NASA has been monitoring radio transmissions from this distant dot in the cosmos, but after studying them closely, the agency is disturbed by the content, and considering censorship. It seems Drubber 3 has show after show featuring hosts that are the intergalactic equivalent of Howard Stern. They curse, promote obscenity and promiscuity, and play terrible music. Plus, they think nothing of promoting warfare and conquest. Unfortunately, they know we exist, and they're intent on channeling their smut our way, NASA warns. Worse, they like our women, and say they can really make them happy, unlike earthmen, who they refer to as "Wusses and wimps who are more interested in sports than in taking care of business, at home." Actress Susan Sarandon has offered to meet with them on a neutral planet, or at the Polo Lounge, whatever is more convenient. In a tersely worded statement, Vice President Dick Cheney has warned Sarandon and others from engaging in what he terms "Mindless meddling in the affairs of State." He has extended his own invitation to the aliens to meet for barbecue and a little recreation at a friend's ranch in Texas. |
