Remember the story of The Three Little Pigs? Of course you do!!

These three little critters were out and about when the "big, bad wolf" showed up. When the pigs saw the wolf, they all ran to the first little pig's house, which was made of straw. The big, bad wolf huffed and puffed and blew the straw house away. But just in the nick of time, the three little pigs ran off to the second little pig's house, which was made of sticks.

When the big, bad wolf got there, he again huffed and puffed and blew the stick house away just like the first. The three little pigs frantically ran to the third little pig's house, which was made of stone.

When the big, bad wolf arrived he could not muster up enough huffing and puffing to budge the stone house...the three little pigs were safe. Furthermore, as long as they used the windows to look through and door to open or keep locked, they were safe...all of which brings us to the forth little pig.

Now this little pig also lived in a house made of stone, but his house was different in that it had no doors or windows. This little pig was most definitely safe, but perhaps too safe, as this little pig had totally disconnected itself from the outer world. Now, lets look at all the boundary dynamics in this story.

The first two little pig's houses represent "permeable" boundaries. This means that they were insufficient in that they allowed outer influences to have too much control and power, and too little protection. When people have permeable boundaries, they often sustain great loss of energy and identity. They leave themselves vulnerable to get unnecessarily hurt as well.

The forth little pig's house represents boundaries that are overly rigid and inflexible. Often when people have been severely hurt, or have extreme fear of getting hurt, they over-react to protect themselves and create these rigid boundaries. Yes, they are protected from hurt, but at the same time they live a life of loneliness and isolation.

The third little pig's house represents firm but flexible boundaries. These boundaries are strong enough to keep out unwanted influences, but with the proper use of the doors and windows, they are flexible enough to discern about allowing anyone in. These are the healthiest boundaries to have.

So perhaps it is a good time to do an inventory of your boundaries.

• Are you letting people influence your life in a way that is negative or draining?

• Do you isolate yourself out of fear of getting hurt?

• Are you clear about acceptable and unacceptable behavior in others?

• Are you happy with your boundaries?

Ken Donaldson

Ken Donaldson, the REALationship Coach, has been based in Tampa Bay, Florida offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. He is a licensed mental health counselor; board certified as an addictions professional and clinical hypnotherapist; and certified as a master relationship coach. Ken is a graduate of the University of South Florida, the Institute for Life Coach Training and the Relationship Coaching Institute. He has been exclusively in private practice since 1993.

Ken is the author of the new breakthrough life and relationship success book Marry YourSelf First! Saying ?I Do? to a Life of Passion, Power and Purpose. The material in this book is a result of Donaldson?s 15+ years of clinical counseling and coaching with thousands of individuals and couples. In this book, he reveals what he has discovered as the 20 core Principles of Passion, Power and Purpose. When these principles are applied to your life you can overcome self-limiting patterns and create abundant happiness, fulfillment and success in your life and relationships.

Donaldson?s primary message from this book is to ?Master Your Life and Your Relationships!? Purchasers of this book are eligible for free coaching and educational programs to support and promote optimal growth and success.

Ken founded the REALationship Coaching programs empower people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships by building a powerful relationship with themselves first.

Included are the monthly Saturday Series workshops and the REAL Talk Forums. These programs are for couples and individuals alike, and help the participants live the most passionate and balanced lives possible.

He also facilitates the Marry YourSelf First program that assists singles to have more successful relationships and more satisfying lives. The graduates of this program leave with a clear vision of who they are, what they want, and how to get it.

In addition, he offers the Partners for Life programs for both pre-committed and committed couples that provide the tools and resources to help couples create relationships that are both lasting and fulfilling. Couples report that they have deeper intimacy and more fun as a result of utilizing the tools from these programs.

Ken also offers education and training programs for businesses and community organizations on a variety of personal growth and business improvement topics.