When a married couple breaks up, it is not just their own future that has changed. It is not even "just" their children's future that has been irrevocably altered. Both sets of parents, if living, can be wounded. The brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews are hurt. The future grandchildren's lives will unroll down different paths than what was expected. In fact, the reality is that the grandparents will probably not even see them for years at a time.

The shock of the divorce to the couple's friends can be emotionally intense, with a social network now creaking on one hinge, like a broken gate. Even plans for retirement activities together are now crushed. It's highly likely that one or both partners in the divorce were in such pain themselves that they gave little thought to what the impact would be on everyone around them. They probably gave no thought at all to the fact that friends would now be caught in the middle of a no-win situation.

It is hoped that the couple did consider younger children. Too many times, it becomes obvious that even that did not happen. However, the parents should have agreed ahead of time not to use the innocent as weapons in their ongoing war with each other.

That said, when the divorce is initiated by one spouse to escape the abuse that has been inflicted on him or her by the other, it does not matter what other people think!! While inflicting more pain was not planned, it does not matter whose feelings are hurt, or how many lectures are delivered by so-called counselors. No one should have to endure a relationship that is tearing them apart, or destroying who they are. Even so, circumstances sometimes leave no choice for the foreseeable future.

Those who marry and divorce multiple times do so for a multitude of complex reasons, few of which really have much to do with love. Instead, they remarry due to money problems, loneliness, or lust, the same reasons our greatgrandparents got married again, after the death of a spouse. Likewise, those who stay in a first bad marriage for decades do so for emotional and practical considerations. Eventually, someone burns out. For some, getting divorced or separating is an abrupt decision, triggered by one last straw.

None of us know when we might find ourselves in that very situation.

2006 Shirley Ann Parker

Shirley Ann Parker

Shirley was born and raised in the south of England. She has lived in Pennsylvania, Michigan, Illinois, Minnesota, Utah, and for two extended stays, California. She has a B.A. in English, with a minor in Communication from Weber State University.

She is the author of Discoveries: A Journey Through Life, an engaging collection of short stories, as well as published essays and articles, and stories for children. Her head is full of many more tales and articles, demanding to be put down on paper, as soon as she can find a way to pay the bills without working full-time for other people. That, of course, may be a few years away.

Shirley is a Senior Member of the Society for Technical Communication, a full member of the Society of Children's Book Writers & Illustrators, a member of the National Notary Association, and a member of The Honor Society of Phi Kappa Phi.