For those families already living with an elderly parent or grandparent who suffers from dementia, these symptoms will come as no surprise. We all know what they are.

Forgetting the name of a family member
Constantly misplacing a purse, wallet, or eye glasses
Dramatic mood swings
Violent tempers
Sudden bouts of uncontrolled crying

As our population ages, more and more families are struggling to deal with these symptoms. For us, it became more than we could cope with.

Last June, we brought my 93 year-old grandmother home to live with us and our three children. We truly believed when we brought her to live with us that this would work. After all, her physical health was very good. She was a bit forgetful and needed some assistance going up and down the stairs, but other than that, she was fully functional. It was only after she came to live with us that we became aware of the extent of her dementia. More and more frequently she was having mini-strokes. Brief periods of time where her face would droop, her speech would become slurred, and one side of her body would become paralyzed.

After each of these episodes, there would be 2 days of violent mood swings. She was angry about everything, even lashing out at the children for nothing more than bringing a friend home to play or failing to close their bedroom door quietly enough. Eventually she was placed on a blood thinner to prevent the strokes, and then an anti-depressant to control the mood swings. But the blood thinners aggravated an ulcer in her esophagus. After emergency surgery and 4 pints of blood, she was placed on a medication to treat acid reflux.

It quickly became apparent that the more medications she took, the less active and more forgetful she became. While the anti-depressants controlled her mood swings, it also made her sluggish. Most days I couldnt persuade her to get dressed. She would do little more than sit at the kitchen table, staring out the window, waiting for someone to come and visit. And she would eat.

With a restless and unoccupied mind, she would fill the time with whatever snacks or goodies she found lying about. Left over Halloween candy was her favorite. Even though I would try to hide the snacks or replace them with fresh fruit, she always seemed to find whatever I didnt want her to have. As is the case for all of us, constant eating and little activity increased her weight. As her weight increased, so did the doses of medication. It was a vicious cycle, until her health turned took a turn for the worse and she was hospitalized with a heart attack.

It was the best thing that could have happened.

After the heart attack she was sent to a nursing home for rehabilitation. It was the consensus of the staff, that our home was no longer a suitable environment for her because of her need for 24-hour supervision and because the heart attack left her too weak to handle stairs.

Today, after 6 months in a wonderful care facility, she has been taken off of all medications. Why? Because in that controlled environment, she has been receiving optimum nutrition. Her diet is strictly controlled. Each meal is perfectly balanced in size and portion for what her body requires. As her weight dropped, she began to move about more than she ever did in our home. She wanders from area to area, visiting with others of her own age. There are no cookies of candies lying about for her to snack on, and each meal is nutritionally balanced

In the confines of our home, I could rarely persuade her to get dressed. But today, there is never any question of her getting dressed because she would never consider going out in public undressed. And make no mistake; sitting in a dining room with 20 different people, not to mention the nursing staff and custodians all wandering about, definitely qualifies as public!

Yes, she is still forgetful. I have to remind her of the names of my children. Occasionally, she insists she should come home with me. I tell her shes nuts. She looks better today than she has in years. The recovery she has undergone is nothing short of miraculous. The natural process of aging does not require medication upon medication upon yet more medication, but nutrition. What becomes difficult for the caregiver, is accepting the reversal in roles. There was a time when that aging parent told you what was best. Now, its your turn.