Weve all had the experience of being assigned to work in a situation where one of the people we have to interact with is just not our cup of tea, so to speak.

Our negativity toward the person can range from mild discomfort to barely disguised hostility.

When this happens, its easy to think, If it werent for him, life would be a lot easier!

Here are four productive ways of dealing with this kind of situation:

(1) Look inside yourself and ask, What button in me is he pushing? and Why am I having such a disagreeable reaction?

You might find that he sets off one of your alarms, or arouses a pet peeve over which you have some control. For instance, one of my clients has an aversion to people who show up to work, late. He points to his more than 10 years in the military that makes him respond this way.

Well, he is setting himself up to be angry and upset, and he should do what he can to explain where hes coming from to his associates, but also to cut them a little slack, because theyre not in the armed forces, now.

(2) Carlos Castaneda, in his many books about Don Juan, speaks of petty tyrants, difficult people who put pebbles in our shoes along our path. They exist, says Castaneda, for the specific purpose of compelling us to rise above their power to irritate us; to teach us self-control, and to encourage us to see our debilitating self-importance.

(3) It is helpful to take a very, very large view of the situation. For example, if you believe in reincarnation, this is easy. You can tell yourself, I was him, once, or someone very much like him; or I probably will become like him, at some future point. In other words, you can see this as a chance to extend your compassion. Look to great role models such as Mother Teresa and Gandhi. They were able to do this, sparing themselves and others much suffering.

(4) Once I was having a casual conversation with a psychologist who said, Do you know the secret to being liked by other people? Like them, first! Could it be that you might be able to warm relations with a person you dislike merely by smiling, saying hello, and extending a few friendly gestures? If you seem to like them, theyll like you, and theyll suddenly become less irritating.

Its easy to grumble about irritating people, but a lot more rewarding to do something constructive about dealing with them more effectively. Try these four tips, and at worst, you can feel good about yourself because you put forth positive energy to turn things around!