Ive been wondering this for a while and have been dying to ask my business colleagues and friends. But whenever Im get ready to pop the question, I manage to convince myself that its silly, reveals my cynical nature (or advance years!) and is probably just a figment of my jaded imagination certainly not worthy of intelligent discussion. The question, however, continued to reside nervously on the tip of my tongue, eager to fly out (particularly just after leaving my apparently mute colleague a fourth voice mail message). But it wasnt until I read Keith Ferrazzis masterful book, Never Eat Alone that I summoned the courage to thunderously and openly inquire, Are people, particularly those in business, much ruder than they use to be? And Have we become so numb to it that we actually expect - and worst yet, accept it as normal and okay? I think yes. I hope Im wrong. Let me, however, step back a bit Why did Ferrazzis book serve as my catalyst? The short answer is that its just plain good. It is a brilliantly written book simple without being simplistic in the same league as Dale Carnegies classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. And in an age when everyone seems to be a marketing, internet or personal motivation coach its refreshing to read something so balanced and genuinely inspired. Most importantly, however, Ferrazzi reminds us that were not in this alone - people make business happen! He reiterates what some of us already know. Were all better off emotionally, financially, and physically when we take the time to build thoughtful, intimate (not in the biblical sense :>) and sincere relationships with others. Ferrazzi says that while our personal styles and levels of openness should be adjusted as appropriate, making strong human connections is essential to our well being. I couldnt agree more! This is, after all, what its all about and long overdue advice. Thanks, Keith! But then it occurred to me. How can you develop relationships with people when they dont call, email, or show up even when theyve promised to do so?! And Im not referring about those little, unintentional slip-ups that happen to all of us occasionally - like when youve forgotten your Aunt Hildas birthday; or waited until the last minute to send in your wedding RSVP; or failed to send a thank-you note. No, what Im talking about is far more baffling and egregious. Im referring to the friends who call you one day before your big dinner party and reiterate how much theyre looking forward to seeing you - and then dont show up no explanation, no call, no nothing. Or how about that real estate agent who promises to get back to you with a price no later than 2 pm, and you never hear from them again? And what about that old friend or colleague who cant wait to have lunch with you next Thursday and then doesnt return your confirmation calls or emails? Then theres my favorite youve killed yourself to help someone get something urgent done (usually a boss or co-worker) and even managed to save the day You email the document before the deadline, sure that the recipient will be relieved and grateful. But you never find out. No thank you. No way to go. No nothing. Or is it just me? Maybe so I was raised in a home where we were taught to treat everyone with the same amount of respect and kindness. Period. Behavior that didnt measure up to this standard was not tolerated. We learned that the true measure of someones character rested in their commitment to do the right thing - even when they didnt have to. For example, whenever I leave a hotel room, I wipe off the counters; gather my towels together in one convenient spot; turn off the television, lights and air conditioning; return the iron to the closet; and make sure that all my scraps of paper are where they belong in the trash can. Why? Because its just the right thing to do (and my mother would probably rise up out of her grave and kick my butt if I didnt :>). Yes, hotels employ a cleaning staff who are paid to clean up after me, but why should they? Its my mess. I was responsible for making it, so I am responsible for cleaning it up even if I dont have to. I have adopted my parents code and although I sometimes fail, I continually strive to measure up to those standards. But what does this look like in the real world? It means you 1. Return calls even if its only to say no 2. Honor your commitments if you tell someone youre going to do something, you do it. If you absolutely cannot, you let them know beforehand. 3. When youre asked to RSVP, you do so 4. Say thank you and please to strangers, friends, family members, waiters and waitresses, taxi drivers, colleagues, children, teenagers everyone. 5. Call when youre going to be late 6. Return emails (unless its spam) 7. Welcome people into your home do your best to make them feel comfortable and important 8. Clean up after yourself 9. Value other peoples privacy 10. Honor your parents 11. Respect elders 12. Chew gum quietly 13. Say excuse me when you burp 14. Open doors for others 15. Allow someone with only two items to move ahead of you in the grocery line 16. Respect other cultures, religions, ethnicities and the like. 17. Dont push in front of someone even if youre in a car 18. Share your things 19. Dont act like a pig even if its at an All-You-Can-Eat buffet 20. Dont brag 21. Never litter Are these rules a thing of the past? Pass in todays fast-paced culture? Old fashioned? Silly? Or am I just imagining things? But if Im not why? Are we overloaded, overbooked and over committed? Has it become too easy to make excuses? Have we been forced into a every-man-for-himself mindset? Did our parents and teachers fail us? Or is it that we just dont care because theyre not important. What do you think? |
